2012年1月1日星期日

Call Me the Effecter of Change

My first cubicle at the Beijing office was near the entrance to our office space. It was a good location, near the rest of my team, adjacent to a water cooler, and obviously a short walk from the elevators. Ironically, though, its proximity to the entryway in the end proved to be its hamartia. The office doors were always left wide open, allowing the cigarette smoke from the stairwell to extend its disgusting, carcinogenic tentacles deep into my olfactive orifice. I almost felt sorry for the smoke, though, because its unprovoked attack only served to awaken the sleeping giant, filling me with a terrible resolve.

My first tactic was a direct counter-offensive against the malefactors. I came to know from a reliable source that smoking was technically not allowed inside the stairwell. Armed with my seemingly unassailable fact, I submitted my demand for the enemy's full surrender and immediate withdrawal. The one with the power to police the interlopers, however, responded that the stairwell was clearly equipped with ashtrays, thus proving that smoking was perfectly lawful. I didn't bother explaining how stupid her argument was, because, as we all know, intelligence is no match for stupidity in a head-on battle.

After regrouping I realized I needed temporary relief from the enemy's chemical warfare to clear my head and allow the winning stratagem to present itself. I retreated from the front-lines, moving to a cube a few trenches farther from the gates. Soon thereafter I was paid a visit by an ally bringing intelligence from HQ. At a clandestine rendezvous he informed me that the Beijing base, like the Sunnyvale base, was intended to be a secure compound, meaning the doors were to be shut and locked at all times. This clashed with my previous intel that the doors could in fact not be closed since it would interfere with the daily civilian rationing system. If the civilians were present all day at work they received a small food stipend. The keycard system recorded when they arrived in the morning and left in the evening, but every time they swiped their card it would overwrite the previously recorded value instead of remembering the earliest time in the morning and the latest time in the evening. For this reason, the doors had to be open, otherwise they would be forced to re-swipe whenever they wished to enter the compound.

I'm getting tired of my war motif so I'm just going to finish the story. I explained the situation to the facilities guy in Beijing and he got in contact with the door system people. They were able to change the system to only remember the earliest and latest times, thus allowing the doors to stay closed. An email was sent out explaining that the doors must now stay closed because of security concerns, but of course I knew the real reason things had changed: me.

1 条评论: